crossword puzzles

Now, Becky and I are one of those "cute couples" around where we live and the people we interact with. That is not a comparison thing..its just true. She's beautiful and I'm the funny one. We like to do the dumb looking stuff you see on those chick flicks like playing cards, sitting by the fireplace, playing guitar together, and I'm even ok with her picking out my clothes now...hey, I never did a great job anyway. I have no shame.

The thing we do together on planes is something I don't like so much. We do crossword puzzles. Now, we do not shell out the $3 for one of those puzzle books that you see by your grandfathers chair, we go for the free ones that share the seat pocket with the unused barf bags and then…we go to town. I hate it so much. She knows this though (I think).

My reasons for enduring the crossword puzzles are 1. to pass time, 2. spend time with her, and there is no #3 that I can think of. Those are my reasons. Sorry for those who love these random little brain stretching things (my wife, etc.) but I don't like stretching myself to do something I am not good at and nothing in me is convinced that I need to know any of the stuff to answer those questions.

I will sit down, look over and comb through the questions to find the easy ones (this is the only fun part for me). I will find the ones that I already know or can guess at and then...wham, I impress my wife with my knowledge of finding a 4 letter word for "baby horse." She calls me genius when I do that.

That moment usually lasts no longer than 47 seconds until my eyes begin grasping the embarrassingly empty boxes and seemingly unanswerable questions...and my mind starts thinking things like, "You are wasting your time," "who cares about this puzzle," and, of course, "Dude, the answers are in the back of the magazine."

So, I slither down from my 47 second throne of glory and find a place in boredom and the endless pursuit of either finding a shortcut or just giving up.

I write about this because I have been regularly teaching to students and adults for over a 1 1/2 years now and been involved in teaching environments for almost my entire life...and the looks in the eyes and the reactions they give (listeners) remind me so much of the my wife's husband as he goes through the motions of the wonderful crossword puzzle.

I have found that many church goers, attendees, ushers, and even hippy, emergeant Christians find themselves, on Sunday or whenever teaching is presented, going through these same motions.

THE "47 seconds"
It begins with the, "I'll give it a shot this time." Kind of a, "Ok, I'm here, don't complain" I mean, there is a lot to look forward to for some who may have no interest in any type of spiritual growth...most great teachers can hold any audience with an opening story of a childhood camping trip or about doing crossword puzzles with their wives on planes, etc. But, when the "47 seconds" of attention and laughter are up...

THE "Combing"
This is the part where I take a look at what is there when the easy part is over and realize that I will have to think and...Care if I am going to continue with this puzzle. This can be when the text of a well known bible story is being read aloud or when a deeper issue is being presented. This is the part that "listeners" must CHOOSE to listen. I don't think the devil has any problem with us hearing stories about the teacher's childhood camping trip…but for us to go deeper we must embrace the text. Be if we do not...

THE "Shortcuts"
I think this is the hardest to spot…unless you look into their eyes. Kind of like when my mom would get upset when I wouldn't look at her when she was talking to me. I would answer back, "why?" "Because you are not listening to me." She was right. I used to think that listening and hearing something were the same thing.

That voice goes off in our heads “isn’t there an easier way to learn this,” “do I really need to know this,” “I already know all this,” “uh….” Granted, some teachers are just plain terrible but, some listeners are just plain terrible as well.

The "Problem"
We get done with any type of worship gathering, service, small group, class, or whatever and maybe the response wasn't great. So we get together and get mad, pray a little, and talk about better songs to sing, better topics to preach about, a better time to meet, and a better way to arrange the chairs to ensure maximum listening capability...I mean, that's what we do. That's what I do.
As if the songs we sing, the stories we tell, the lighting we use, or the softness of our seats has any effect on the human heart.

I am one to strive for professionalism, be all things to all people, and even occasional go to Christian ideas conference for some “fill up.” But...has it become the only way that we know how to problem solve? Maybe the problem is being caused by how we are trying to solve the problem.

What can help? our churches, small groups...the Holy Spirit...not more funny stories, candles, food, movie clips, visual aids, that other church’s ideas, cooler worship song selection, or bleached hair on our pastors.

What can help? my marriage and the crossword puzzle drama...I'm buying her an ipod. : )

Another thing…when I zone out during these times with my wife I am not being purposeful with my time. I am not enjoying and being thankful for what I have. I am not loving...I am looking our for me and what I want to be, say, think, and do. That is not love. Love is sacrifice.

Maybe our prayers should not be for the band to come together this week, the message to be awesome (#1 used word by Christians today), but for us as a people to get over ourselves before getting out of bed that morning.

I rambled a bit. At least my mom will read this and maybe my wife too.

no other way.

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Where do you want to be in 10 years?
What are your 10 year goals? etc.
I used to love to be asked this question or questions just like these ones.
I think I liked it so much because I felt like I always had the good sounding answers.
You know...like if my grandma asked I would say, with a wife and kids and a job and going to church somewhere (the younger cousins would all say things about pizza and Nintendo).
If my teacher asked I would say, with a wife and kids and a job and going to school.
(everyone else would say stuff about money and fame...I wanted money and fame too).
If my mom asked I would say, working to support my family and serving God.
(it was safe and made me stop asking me question so that I could get back to my life of eating pizza and playing Nintendo)
You know what I mean. You reach a point in your life whether it is something we grow out of or not...that you like to be asked certain questions because you feel like you have a good answer.
I mean...Girls love it when you ask them, "how are you doing"...if they are engaged and planning a wedding…but the other 70 years of their lives you will probably get the answer..."I'm ok."
I think it’s the same with guys and our football teams and money type stuff.

Back to THE QUESTION. I don't really have much of an answer anymore.
I hadn't thought of it in a long time and then when I was asked last month at, no other place but,
my ordination interview...it hit me like a 10 year old kid being asked about calculus (actually...it was just as if they asked me about calculus today).

It was one of those moments where I opened my mouth to answer the simple question that had always been so simple to 'cheese my way through'...but no words came out and all I could do was make obvious stalling movements and sounds like...stretching my arms, yawning (very small), looking at the ceiling and, of course, making the professional noises like..."well, um...ya know that's a good question. I was wondering when you would ask that."

But that only bought me six and a half seconds. So after my 6 and a half were up...I said, “I have no idea. I just hope I am still OBEDIENT."

I mean this in no cocky, prideful, arrogant, "look and listen to me" sorta way. But God spoke through me...to me that afternoon. Those dudes liked my answer but it wasn't mine and it has changed the way I live since that day.

Its what I have always believed...but it is not what I have always lived by.
Success = obedience to God.
That's it. plain and ridiculous. Against all logic that we can bring, all plans we can scheme, and all adventures we can dream. I believe that success in life is directly and solely connected to our level of obedience to God's voice. It calls for absolute trust and complete abandon. It calls for us to consistently ask ourselves..."am I living in obedience?"

When trouble comes along, when I am blamed for something, when another person is upset at me, when I am feeling good, bad, mad, glad or anything else you can feel (ending in 'd').
I must ask myself, “am I living my life and making choices that are directed by myself or by the God who knows, loves, created and cares about us all?

Because if I am! Than there is nothing to worry about!
I get chill thinking about that. Its simply amazing.

I think too many times a "new" option comes along that may be a good option.
It may look like an option that others who know and care about you say will be the best.
It may be an option that is what you have been praying for and seems to be the answer.
But is it an shiny new road or a place that God is clearly directing you down.

Friends, I have seen too many people singing, raising their hands, and loving others for God but making decisions for themselves. I have done this.

I wonder if we miss the point entirely when we think happiness or personal fulfillment have anything to do with God's definition of success? I wonder if we are missing something when we see every new option as a sure sign of God's path...what if we saw life as something that God knows best and obedience is the only way to survive?

Trust and obey
There is NO other way

It’s a radical trust but the peace surpasses all understanding.

JARED

fair

I've been pondering/thinking/questioning the concept and validity of the word "fair."
Yeah...It doesn't seem very deep but its weighing on my mind a lot.

I seem to have heard all my life about this word (fair) and how life, competition, and even the prices of food can be described that way. You just have to find the fair deal or something.

I looked it up and is basically defined as "playing by the rules." hmmm...I guess I wanted a little more out of my dictionary. moving on I guess...

I see, interact, and connect with these people out here and find that life is not fair at all and saying that 'it is' seems to only put those who 'have' in a safe bubble of denial (am I wrong?). I wonder if the idea of fair is not only relative but is actually impossible.

I wonder if the only way that life can be seen as anything fair would be if the 'haves' were to realize that life is not fair and start making up for it by giving to the 'have nots.'

If the ones with families would be family to those without it. If those who are loved would love those who are without love. If those without hope would have people bring it to them. I wonder...I wonder if life is so unfair not because of sin and moral failure and the 'have nots' deserving what they got but primarily due to selfishness (or ignorance if I want to be nice) from the 'haves.'

I'm only critical because I am a have in almost every area. I have job, a college education, a wonderful home, wife, dog, computer, friends, mentors, church, income, family, truck...but I still not only have a hard time giving but tend to allow myself to see myself as a 'have not' who is waiting for those selfish 'haves' to pass me a slice of cake.

Questions:
Are all we literally "haves" and "have nots?"
Do we all have needs that another can and should fill?
But some of us just have more needs than others?
While others have more that they are able to give than others do?

With all that I have...I realize there are probably more people without it.
I wonder if the answer continues to be "love in action?"

This blog will not do a thing for anyones needs.
I have no answers. Just questions.

The Next Generation

ff


Yes. There they are in all their glory. Their non-flashy uniforms, lack of special abilities or powers and none of them are even in "super hero" physical shape either. Just a couple of people/aliens/droids who once travelled the galaxy because it was their job and it made good 80's television.

The sad fact is, me and my dad would always watch this show. We never taped it off tv, bought the movies, or even considered attending one of the notorious star trek conventions. But, we would watch it as if something terrible would happen to the world if we missed as episode toegther. We knew all the main character's names (I can still name them all), all their signature phrases, and we loved it. My favorite character was Leuteniet Riker (the one with neck beard in the front row). I would sit on the brown chair (yeah, totally early 90's) and root for Riker to get the girl or figure out a way to get his team off the alien planet and save the galaxy. My dad didn't really have a favorite character...I thought that was so lame. Me and dad. "We were a bunch of nerds...or were we?"

I don't think me or my dad were ever critisized for watching star trek. One reason could have been that it was a newer show then and not everyone who watched it could tell that the spaceship was a toy being held up by fishing wire, but I wonder if we never knew were nerds for watching it because no one told us we were (stay with me here).

I feel like there is not a thing I do to this day that there is not a 100% chance that someone, friend or enemy, will let me know what they think abot me in some manner of humor or sarcasm. I do it too. Its like we are waiting for our moment to shine and someone's life is our diving board. This creates a tension.

I wonder if this has anything to do with life? I wonder how my relationship with my dad would have been if any of our friends made fun of us for being "trekkies?" I wonder, because I can't really know for sure, if my dad and I made it through life together because we didn't have people in our lives who made us feel like we need to defend who we are. Life wasn't and isn't perfect. But it makes me think that negative words, thoughts, critisisms, sarcastic remarks and joking at any level has adamaging effect on life. That maybe this wasn't what God created us to laugh about.

I don't believe that we were created with the inate ability to have to defend who we are.
I wonder if any of my "uneeded comments" have affected friendships or family ties?
I wonder if my words and actions are bigger that I am?

I'm not trying to sound like a childless parent here. We all know inately that "tearing someone else down to make ourselves feel better" is wrong. blah blah blah.
But I had never really thought about how great it can be when that works. I think back to a time in my life when I did not have to defend who I am or what I do? Life was simpler, life was good.

I don't think we are able to do anything anymore without thinking about what others will say, think, or do in reaction to us. That makes me sad.

I'm sorry to anyone who I have hurt by my words, stares, whispers, writing or selfish joking.

Jared

romans

Its been so long since I used this blog that I forgot my login info. that sad.

Well...I've been reading in Romans as of late but haven't gotten much out of it. I mean, the truth is there and I feel it, but I don't think I'm letting it impact my life. So, here's what I've really been thinking about lately...

What needs to happen for someone to let something become personal? I get really frustrated, ok...not that frustrated, by people who don't understand why I recycle. I haven't met many people who understand or realize the importance in preserving our earth...etc. But, I know that they are quite aware that landfills full of trash are not good things. They know that recycling is a proven internationally recognized good for all people and for future generations. Stop me if I'm sounding like a politician, but I wonder if these people don't recycle because they don't have to live in the world that their/our polution will create. They send their trash off and don't have to see it in their dog's food dish the next week. Its gone, we still have places to dump our...lets move on.

And there it is. I wonder about issues like abortion. Yeah, abortion. If someone who is all anti-abortion, "its murder, mad mad mad" were to have a daughter get pregnant a few months before she was to start college on a full ride athletic scholarship to 'their dream school." Even thought hey may not change their opinion...they may change their thinking. Maybe abortion was a bad example. I think evangelism is a good one. I don't think i care enough sometimes about people who are heading to "hell in hand basket" (to borrow the phrase).

I've just been thinking about how individual thinking/acting I can be...or we can be. I do a great job of covering my own back and fulfilling my own needs but so often I ignore the way I live might affect others. Kind of like the way I change the channel when the commercial with the grey haired guy holding an african kid come on asking for money. I just mute it or turn the TV off. Its easier to do nothing than it is to do something. I don't have a plan on the side to change the world. I just wake up everyday hoping God will send me the map...or soemthing like that. Maybe thats wrong? I think it probably is or maybe there's a purpose in where I am and what I'm doing. Maybe there's a reason I don't blog anymore? maybe I'm thinking too much.

I'm not spending time proof reading ro spell checking my posts anymore. This is for me again.
I've been youth pastor for 8 months and they still haven't found this site.

Picking up the Pieces

It is my belief that every time one goes to a new place they must re-find themselves there and that is what I have been doing over the past 6 months. My life changed when I married Becky, my life changed when I graduated from a university and the university lifestyle, my life changed when I accepted my current ministry position. My life has changed. But...

The hardest is not the newness; the hardest part seems to be trying to find the old me with its new skin. I have no doubt that God has led me to where I am and what I’m doing, but I tend to get real impatient about finding myself and the attributes about em that I worked so hard to gain before my life changed.


In the best words I can think of, I have been finding pieces of myself here in Kernersville, NC. The man who was once so disciplined, so on time, so everything (but not really everything) has become this new guy who had to ask directions to Wal-Mart or the post office. He has no gym membership and since he got one has seemed to find a great excuse every morning to convince me to let him go back to sleep. This guy has little time to keep in touch with his out of town relationships and this guy is me.
But I love my life and each day has its challenges. I feel like its easy to look back and think my life was easy and that I was awesome before I moved and got everything thrown out of whack-but...I am learning that I struggled to find myself at IWU 4 years ago and became a new me, I struggled to find myself at each of the summer jobs I took over the past decade, and who I am now is because of the pieces of myself that I found in each of those places.

I love change but I need help finding myself. Things are different...the places I eat, the conversations and dates I share with Becky, the people I call, the time I spend with God-its all different but its still me. It is still part of who I am.

I wish it was all easier.

Jared Bell

Was it the holy spirit or the giant sub-woofer?

Hey, winter jam was a cool concert. The Christian bands were not bad and the even the fanatical old school Christian guys who couldn't go two seconds without asking for money and donations to help spread the love were bearable tonight. My group 0f 30 kids loved it. But…here's my thought.

The total attendance was nearly 17,000 people jammed into the Greensboro Coliseum going crazy for 4 hours. But then, at the perfect time there was a speaker on the stage, delivering a message of hope and love. He was definitely a youth speaker. He was funny, could handle a crowd, confident in his skill and kept the attention of people who were screaming and jumping around 5 minutes before he got up there. He was good and defintely called.

At the end of his message he gave a call and some 300 people came forward and made commitments for God. Out of the 300 people who went forward 118 of them made first time commitments to receive Christ. Pretty cool.

But I wonder if that is the only way to reach a kid these days? Is it all about the glitz and glamour of the experience or can we still say that people are really looking for something real and fulfilling that is only found in Christ? Can we say that without depending on these types of experiences? I hope so. I want to say that these experiences are nothing without the Holy Spirit working in the hearts and minds of those kids...but, when was the last time a meeting, worship service, Christian concert, and/or experience was planned and the Holy Spirit was the main event. What does it look like when an evangelistic event or lifestyle is really, really dependant on the healing and working power of the Holy Spirit?

I am not knocking on the hearts and intentions of the Winter Jam ministry.
I loved it and the experience was unforgettable.

But are we missing something in our youth ministries today. The theme of the Wesleyan youth conference in 2003 was consumed, called, convinced.

Has it now become entertained, impressed, consumed?
Are we training kids to become fully devoted followers of Christ or American idol judges?
Just some thoughts from a new youth pastor trying to make a difference for the kingdom.

Jared Bell